Why I’m Not A Good Christian. Part 1.
I’ve been thinking about stuff lately; especially with the little guy now hanging around my house. I’ve been trying to think about the lessons that I’ve learned spiritually (not just spiritually, but this is the focus of the post) and what lessons I want to pass to onto Logan. In the process of thinking about this, I actually came up with a bunch of reasons why I’m not a good Christian anymore. These are the first 5.
(1) I Still Think With My Head.
Not only do I constantly questions my own faith; but I also entertain logical arguments against Christianity. On top of that- if you’re argument is really persuasive, I’ll let you “win” the mini debate we’re having so I research the argument further later on. This also leads to me saying things like, “You know what? I don’t know” or “As a matter of fact, I don’t have all the answers.” This is something I’ve noticed that many other Christians have a problem with. But how can they honestly think that if they can’t explain the nature of the universe to a questioning soul within five minutes time that they have somehow failed that soul? It’s almost like some Christians feel their lack of knowledge gives God a black eye.
I will even take this a step further. If somebody can present me with empirical evidence that God does not or, that it is not possible for him to, exist; I will denounce Christianity. Ah… stalemate.
Life Update
Everybody meet Logan. He was born March 6th at 4:10pm and weighed in at 7lb 15oz and was 21 inches long. Both baby and mommy are happy and healthy; though mommy and daddy are very tired. Overall at night he’s been a pretty good sleeper, but he’s had a couple days where he thought it would be fun to keep Dana and I up past our bedtime. He is adorable and makes some of the funniest faces I’ve ever seen. I’ve loaded a whole bunch of pictures into my flickr account (see sidebar), and hope to post some videos soon.
Pregnancy Sympathy Weight
It’s fun being pregnant with friends; but you know what isn’t so fun… pregnancy sympathy weight. I’ve put on 10 pounds already, as has my friend Jody. You would think that science would come up with a solution to sympathy pregnancy weight?
See what I mean:
Jody and I
But I suppose Dana and Jen deserve most the attention here:
2007 In Review
What a crazy year. 2007 Has by far turned out to be the busiest year of my life. 07 took me on such an emotional roller coaster. My days saw an unequal mix of humility, gratitude, paranoia and megalomania. I do not feel compelled to essay the events of the past year, though I do want to bench mark them, so I’ve complied a couple lists and questions that will catalog 2007 for me.
Break Down of “big” events of 2007. (In sequential Order)
1. Went to Disney World.
2. Got a new job writing software for the NYSDMV.
3. Underwent Radiation Therapy to my entire mantle and parts of my abdomen.
4. Bought A House.
5. Began recommended physiologic treatments to deal with the emotional aftermath of fighting with cancer.
6. Found out that in 2008 I am going to be a father.
7. Went To Disney World Again.
8. Reconnected with some old friends I’d been missing.
9. My fears of illness passing to my unborn son, because of Chemotherapy and Radiation treatment, were put to rest.
10. Was given fantastic odds against the cancer coming back again.
Questions To Myself and My Answers
What surprised you the most in 2007?
Without a doubt that would be my wife. 07 was really a year of personal and spiritual growth for me, and I can honestly say I felt she was growing with me in all aspects. Not only has my love for her grown, but my respect and admiration for her has deepened as well. 2007 really confirmed for me that the best of our relationship is still waiting for us somewhere.
What personal goal were realized in 2007?
(1) I read and studied much more that I usually do.
(2) I’ve also written much more. I’ve been keeping a journal for the better part of the year and am pleased with how rewarding this simple act has been. (Blog Note: As a matter of fact, all the my personal blog posts on myspace and paulhobson.com have just been revised and/or condensed journal entries that I’ve written.)
(3) I’ve learned so much about people, behaviors and spiritual matters this year just by paying more attention to my surroundings. I feel I’ve slightly “upped” my level of awareness. From what I understand, this is a particularly hard task for a man to accomplish.
(4) I feel that I have grown personally, at least with myself. The circumstances I have faces had led me to question just about everything that I say I believe in and forced myself to ask questions that I knew I would like the answer to. I am better for this.
(4) I have grown in my professional field and trade by leaps and bounds. This is largely due to the change in my employment and working in an office of very competent and helpful individuals. Even scripts and applications that I had written at the beginning of the year appear novice and sloppy compared to my development skills now.
What are your personal goals for 2008?
(1) First and foremost I’m going to build up a spirit of gratitude. I’ve been living in a self bubble for the past few years. Fighting a serious medical illness really has a way of making your world really small and breeding an unhealthy and unwarranted since of entitlement. I would really like to step out of this egocentric realm and start being thankful for every second of my life.
(2)I’d like to read even more. I read more books in 2007 than any other year of my life and was surprised how much I enjoyed it.I don’t want to staple schedule out, but I would like to try and at least get through a book a month.
(3)I think I’m going to begin researching my family history. I know virtually nothing about my family history and with Spunky on his way, I think I want to be able to tell him about his family roots.
(4) I say this every year, but I really want to start working out. I don’t need to get buff, I just want to look good naked.
(5) This may not be realistic at all with a baby on the way, but I’d like to get back down to Washington DC at some point. We’ll see.
What was your favorite movie you saw in 2007?
Pan’s Labyrinth
Favorite Music?
John Mayer - Specifically the Heavier Thing release. I know it’s old, but I never listened to the entire CD before now.
Favorite Book?
Reaching for the invisible God, by Phillip Yancy.
Favorite Game?
Elder Scrolls 4: Oblivion. I got lost in that world for hours on end and even got a little emotional at the end of the story.
What lessons did you learn in 2007?
(1) Never talk to the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room.
(2) You don’t have to (and shouldn’t) make excuses for yourself.
(3) There is an extraordinary amount of freedom associated with being honest with yourself.
(4) If you have your health, you really do have everything.
Naming Names
As I eluded to many times before; 2007, though a good year, was a very trying year. I would not have been able to function as I was if it wasn’t for an immense support network made up of my wife, my immediate family, my friends, as well as the people in my church who I know were praying for me. I owe each and every one of you a heartfelt thank you and Starbucks coffee.
However outside of wife and my family, there are a few people who have really been there for me this year, and I’m naming names. Paul, Danielle, Greg, John, Becky W., and Mike… thanks guys… and I really mean it.