I love real things from fake worlds. It’s video fandom at it’s best. People have created a real life Warthog from the Halo Series, a Lancer from the Gears of War saga, and even recreated the outfit used by the Big Daddies in Bioshock.
As cool as these creations are, it is unfortunate that what ever created in this world, inspired by the other is often fake. The Wart Hog could never be driven in rush hour traffic, the Lancer’s made of fiberglass, and the Big Daddy suit… well, I shouldn’t have to explain.
So I got thinking, how awesome would it be if I could pick a few things out of these video game world and own functioning versions of them for use in my day to day life. These are the five things I’d want, in the order I would want them.
5. The Array of Plasmids from Bioshock
Experimental drugs derived from the cells of freshly dead humans mixed with an abstract of a ocean-dwelling worm that when injected directly into the bloody stream, despite both moral and physiological objections, rework the human genetic code to allow special abilities such as control over lightning, fire, mechanical objects, insets and include the added bonus of turning you into a telepath? YES PLEASE!
Of course it would be great if I could get the benefit without any of the nasty side effects that took down so many of the citizens of Rapture. I wouldn’t want to turn into a plasmid junkie, I’d prefer to just augment my reality so that I’m given super-natural like control of my surrounding environment. Is this asking too much?
Outside of the telepathy, I can’t honestly think of any practical use for these abilities. In reality I’d just be using my madd mind control skills to get things out of the fridge while I watch my House and Star Trek reruns. Of course I wouldn’t be too keen about always having to babysit a Little Sister for a continuous supply of EVO either.
Little Sister don't you do what your Big Sister done...
4. Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device
Because there is no stable plasmid for teleportation, the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device (ASHPD) would be a must have in my collection.
Though I don’t have any complicated obstacle course to run through, I can still think of plenty of uses for this handy-dandy device: It would be perfect for moving furniture; helping me out of traffic jams; and granting me the ability to reach previously inaccessible areas to name a few.
It’s been proved scientifically that portals make everything better. I present the following videos as evidence:
If only the device weren’t so large. I wish it could be build into this next item…
3. The Pip Boy 3000 From Fallout 3
What a handy tool this thing would be!
The Survivors of Vault 101 use The Pip Boy 2000 to regulate their daily lives. It would keep track of personal inventory and health, act as a journal, compass, map, and even stream any radio signals it happened to pick up.
Sure, I suppose I could just use an Android phone to keep track of everything I own and my current where-abouts, but the Pip Boy use goes well beyond this. For example, utilizing it’s built in medical diagnostics, I would love to have the ability to see how healthy I am. It would be great to have this device clue me in to when some foreign agent is trying to intrude into my body and tell me where I need to administer medical if necessary.
Sinus infection? Found out about it before it happened! Severe cold? Nope, I got that bug before it got me! Broken bone? Just apply healing through the PipBoy and you’re all set!
OK, so maybe this device would have little practical use outside of feeding my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder — but I don’t care.
Also, I’d love to constantly be able to rock out to the best music from the 40′s and 50′s.
2. The Gravity Gun From Half Life 2
With all the advancements in recent sciences, I’m actually surprised this doesn’t exist yet. The Gravity Gun is a tool that allows for the user to move objects that would otherwise be unmovable and lift things that would otherwise be unliftable.
Gordan Freeman used the gravity gun to manipulate his environment to pass seemingly impassable obstacles; throw saw blades through zombies when ammo was low; and eventual to hurl gigantic energy balls at a very evil CEO attempting to take over the world.
I can think of hundreds of handy used for thing! Weeding, helping me pick up the yard, cleaning the house, putting my Nemesis’s car on the roof of his house… you know — day to day stuff. This handy gadget would take all the heavy lifting out of heavy lifting for me.
1. Cortana From The Halo Series
And who wouldn’t want a female artificial intelligence modeled after the Egyptian Queen Nefertiti?
The Master Cheif used her to coordinate crucial strikes; to hack into Covenant Alien Systems, unlock doors; to call for back up; and to give critical tactical analysis at a moments notice.
When I’m at home I would use her to manage my budgets and schedules. Then I could port her over to my phone and take her with me on the go. At work she could help me write code and keep my notes strait, as well as play DJ for me and keep my favorite music playing all day long. She would make the perfect cyber companion to streamline my life. I’d probably get along with her better than most people I know.
