The Atlantic ran an interetsing post on Valentine’s Day. They dug out an archived article that provided men with a handy chart by which they could rate their wives. After downloading the chart, I couldn’t help but think it’s been too long since I’ve seen how Dana stacks up to the traditional values of yester-years and decided to put her to the test.
I did, however, need to change the rules a bit as the good doctor is apparently bad with numbers. Even if your wife got a “perfect” score — that is all merits and no demerits — that would still only net her a point tally of 25 which, according to the scale, is a mere one point above failing. Talk about impossible standards. Instead, I’ll rate each item worth 5 points, weighing the “meatier” questions with the dividend of the remaining balance. It’s not perfect math, but based on the interpretation table, this score will suffice. I’ve marked an “X” when I credited her a point, and a dash were no point was warranted.
You does your wife rate?
Merits:
X A good hostess — even to unexpected guests.
X Has meals ready on time.
X Can carry on an interesting conversation.
X Can play a musical instrument.
- Dresses for breakfast.
- Neat housekeeper — tidy and clean.
X Personally puts the children to bed.
X Never goes to bed angry, always makes up first. (25)
X Asks husband’s opinions regarding important decisions and purchases.
X Good sense of humor.
X Religious — sends children to church of Sunday school and goes herself. (25)
- Lets husband sleep late on Sunday and holidays.
Total Merit Score: 85
Demerits:
- Slow in coming to bed — delays until husband is almost alseep.
- Doesn’t like children. (15)
X Fails to sew on buttons or darn socks regularly.
- Where’s soiled or ragged dresses and aprons around the house.
- Wears red nail polish. (I wish)
- Often late for appointments. (15)
- Seams in hose often crooked.
- Goes to bed with curles on her hair or much face cream.
X Puts her cold feet on husband at night to warm them up.
X Is a back seat driver.
- Flirts with other man at parties or in restaurants. (15)
- Is suspicious and jealous. (15)
Totaal Demerit Score: 15
My wife’s final score: 70:Superior
Just in case there is anyone who might be attempting to take this post without the tounge-cheek-humor that it was written, please know that I married up. My wife is super awesome.
