My New Relationship With Gluttony.
Lady Gluttony
I have a confession to make. I’ve been living in the midst of my own personal pity party for the past couple of months. My self-righteous cries of “woe is me” stem from a series of stomach problems I’ve been experiencing lately. Those these issues aren’t welcome, they certainly weren’t unexpected. These stomach problems are a direct relation to the radiation treatment I received almost 5 years ago.
In exchange for eradicating the Cancer found in my abdomen, I’m forced to be mindful of everything that finds its way to my stomach. I’m still in the process of figuring out what foods are safe, and what foods are “triggers”.
Too much fiber and I’ll be up all night with horrific cramps, not enough fiber and and I’m backed up worse than the Jersey Parkway. Too much meat and I’m shooting Pepto Bismol like dollar shots, yet not enough protein and I don’t feel safe to leave my house — you get the idea. I’ve been dealing with these issues for a couple of years now, but I’ve only begun to feel it’s depressing effect on me since the beginning of summer.
On the surface, I don’t feel guilty at all for my self pity — I’m sure people who share this plight also share my sediments. After all, it was brought about as a side effect from life saving cancer treatment. A cancer I did nothing to warrant and did not want. A cancer, which I am thankful I am rid of, that has left me with this oft debilitating issue that, realistically, will be a part of me for the rest of my life.
I appear quite justified in my feelings on the surface, but when I scrutinize my own thoughts a little further I become aware of a blatant sophistry that I need to repent of.
I’m not depressed because I can’t have my morning cup of coffee any more, I’m depressed because I can no longer drink my typical six to seven cups without feeling it’s adverse side-effects on my body. I’m not depressed that I can no longer enjoy ice cream from time to time; I’m depressed because I can’t eat a Friendly’s Reese’s’ Jim Dandy in one sitting without it destroying my stomach. I’m not depressed that I can’t enjoy the occasional glass of wine; I’m depressed because I can’t finish off the bottle like I used too.
In summary, I’m not getting depressed because I’m losing out on any experience that I previously enjoyed, but rather because my flesh is throwing a little temper tantrum because I’m giving my spirit the authority to exercise self control over it. What I’m dealing with is Gluttony.
Gluttony Wine
Now that I’ve identified the issue, what’s left is to seek out a remedy — and here is where I get caught. There is only one reason why I enjoy eating a sleeve of Oreo cookies, in one sitting, by myself; only one reason why I once enjoyed McDonald’s for breakfast, Taco Bell for Lunch, and Pizza Hut for dinner; only one reason Thanksgiving dinners for me have usually involved third and fourth helpings: Because I wanted to.
If I’m being honest I lack self control because I don’t want it — at least I didn’t want it. Now I find myself in a situation where I either need to learn the appropriate amount of temperance, and learn it rather quickly, or I need to be prepared to immediately and physically suffer the consequences of my poor choices. I’m learning that pain is a great motivator.
So this is my new relationship with Gluttony. My physical self (the Bios) is having a conniption because it’s having to surrender to the my spiritual self (the Zoe) in order to preserve a livable lifestyle. Though it’s hard to be thankful for any ailment, I’m forced to conclude this is a blessing in disguise. It’s forcing me to use the self control that I wasn’t even aware I was lacking, let alone interested in cultivating.
That was wonderful Paul. It’s amazing to me because I am on a similar journey for different reasons. It’s hard to learn the lessons we are supposed to learn when our flesh just doesn’t want to learn them. I don’t know about you, but it makes me feel like I’m a child again. I’ll be praying for you. I love you. Hugs.
Very interesting post. Gluttony is something I have struggled. I’ve had to deal with this food issue a little. First when I had gestational diabetes and now with high triglycerides and cholesterol. I could just have an Oreo here or there and be fine, but I’m upset that, like you said, I can’t eat the whole sleeve. How low can our sinful human nature go, huh?
Paul, We all struggle with the gluttony issue. It’s normal. I think you are dealing with it in a very mature way. I am the same way. I can’t have just one Oreo. It’s a whole sleeve or nothing! I try to look at Chuck’s heart attack as a blessing in disguise. It got him to stop
smoking – but not to stop eating ice cream or Oreos! Good luck! Blessings to you.