I’m scheduled for a PET scan this morning and, while I’m thinking about it, I can’t help but notice a change in my attitude. I’m actually a little annoyed that I have to have it done. When thinking about the scan my initial reaction is that I’m annoyed that I have to take the day off of work and feel lousy the rest of the day. (The dye they inject me with always does something funny to my head. I feel like I need to ‘sleep it off’.)
I had a realization. The fear that had it’s claws sunk into me for so long is finally starting to subside. There isn’t a day that goes by that I’m not reminded by some ache or pain of what I went through, and I have no delusions that this isn’t something I’m going to have to carry for the rest of my life. However; without my even knowing, in my mind the fear associated with this cancer has become the ‘post script’ and is no longer the ‘feature presentation’.
A year ago (the time of my last PET scan) my stomach was in knots and I couldn’t sleep through the night. Fast forward to today, and I’m merely annoyed I have to take a day off of work and go home after to go to bed. This is nothing short of amazing.
October 6, 2009
Thoughts